


Alongside World

by jesterlady



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: Angst, F/M, Friendship, Parallel Universes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-09-30
Updated: 2011-09-30
Packaged: 2017-10-24 04:24:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,462
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/258976
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jesterlady/pseuds/jesterlady
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's a Jonathan and Tara friendship fic that involves them wanting to help the issues that plague the rest of the Scoobies.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Crying Against What's Faded

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Initiation Sigh](https://archiveofourown.org/works/260153) by [jesterlady](https://archiveofourown.org/users/jesterlady/pseuds/jesterlady). 



> It's sort of the serious version of my fic Initiation Sigh. The time frame is again sort of relative as it seems to be right after Jonathan's spell in Superstar BTVS S4, but it more involves the S6 situation.  
> Mentions of Willow/Tara
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't own BTVS. The title is from CS Lewis

Jonathan felt as though he’d made the biggest mistake of his life. To be quite honest, he wasn’t even sure how it all happened. Yet there he was sitting in the living room, on the couch even, accepted as one of the gang, and totally, completely nervous. When the timid witch had come into his home and confronted him about his magic bone issues and suggested he try to help her and her friends instead, he’d thought she’d gone mad. Or maybe it was some residual effect of the spell he'd cast over the world. Whatever the reason, he'd refused on mere principle, no matter what the little voice inside his head kept saying. No amount of reasons that it came up with, even those involving acceptance, satisfaction, fulfillment, friendship or image, could persuade him. No, apparently only a girl whom he barely knew, who could barely form sentences together could do that.

Jonathan looked around. There were noises and sound and activity going on all around him. He felt invisible. He felt unneeded. He felt out of place.

“It all takes a bit of g-getting used to,” a quiet voice said from beside him. He almost jumped out of his skin as he realized Tara had been sitting next to him all along.

“I’m sure it does,” he agreed hastily. Though she was his initiator, so to speak, and though she was kind and gentle, he was a bit terrified of her.

“N-nobody holds it against you, you know,” she said encouragingly. “The spell. W-we all know it wasn’t for evil purposes.”

“I still think Buffy’s going to chop me up into little pieces and eat me for breakfast,” he muttered. Tara smiled a little.

“Well, if s-she does, s-she should give me the first bite. I am, after all, the one it i-injured.” Jonathan started. He had really been hoping she’d forgotten about that. He couldn’t understand why the one person who had suffered physical injury wasn’t mad at him. Or maybe she was.

“I am sorry about that. I know I was wrong and I guess I…wasn’t thinking. As usual,” he trailed off lamely.

“None of that,” she told him sternly. “E-everybody here has done that more times than I can count. Many more than you,” she said more to the air than him. “With much worse consequences and attitudes.” Jonathan shifted a little uncomfortably. As much as he’d always wanted to help Buffy in her mysterious mission, he had a feeling there was more to this group than met the eye and he didn’t want to get involved. But right then, as Buffy swooped down on him and pulled him away from Tara’s comforting presence, he guessed it was a little late to run away.

“Jonathan,” Buffy told him as she led him into the kitchen, “I need to talk to you.”

“Sure thing,” he said, shifting from one foot to the other as she leaned against the counter.

“Jonathan, I remember the talk we had right after the spell. I remember the help you gave me during the spell. I remember the way we both were in high school. I’m glad that Tara reminded me of you. But I need to know you’re never going to pull a spell like this again. You can’t fix the world through magic. And you can’t mess around with other people’s lives.” Her face was hard as was her tone of voice, but Jonathan saw exhaustion in her eyes that even her friends probably didn’t see. Nobody would ever know how well he saw things.

“Buffy, I- I won’t do that again. I don’t really know why I did. I guess I was just so invisible.” He looked down at his feet. “I guess you know the rest.” Buffy nodded and straightened up.

“I’m familiar with most forms of awkward relating. But this isn’t a cure, Jonathan. All of us here have our own work to do in that department. You have to make that happen by yourself.” With a quick nod of acknowledgment from him, Buffy headed back to the other room where he heard her ask Spike when he wanted to go on patrol.

Jonathan stood in the kitchen for a few minutes reflecting over the events of the past few years, but mostly the last few days. It had been three days since he’d, quote on quote, joined the Scoobies and he’d noticed a few things.

Giles was old. Old and bored and unneeded. Buffy managed everything on her own since she quit the Council and when she needed backup, she had Spike. Giles couldn’t even really help in the research department anymore. His almost blind eyes had taken his true joy away from him. His constant friend and companion was now a bottle of scotch. Somehow Jonathan didn’t think that would end in bliss.

Xander was rundown and washed up before the age of twenty-five. He had an okay business going and was married to Anya, but his own inner demons refused to allow him to enjoy his life. He couldn’t bear the presence of Spike and constantly bugged Buffy about dusting him. He let his friendship with Willow get in the way of his loyalty to his wife. But all those were simply because he still felt old grudges and prejudices too much. At least Jonathan thought so.

Spike bore the brunt of those prejudices which obviously ticked him off even though he had his one desire of Buffy. And even though Jonathan had noticed the illicit affair going on between the Slayer and the vampire, which he suspected no one except himself, Tara, and maybe Dawn, had deduced was happening, he could see that it did not make Spike happy. He and Buffy had to hide in the night while her friends treated him like garbage during the day. On top of which, Jonathan guessed it wasn’t too nice not being able to defend yourself and having to drink pig’s blood when you were used to ravaging humanity.

Buffy was tired. She needed out of this whole Slayer business. But the only way out was through a casket and she was too much of a fighter to take that easy route. She’d worked hard since her mother’s death, especially having to take care of her little sister. She worked two jobs and was a fulltime Slayer and mother and girlfriend. Even if nobody knew about the last one. Spike helped her all he could, but there was only so much he could do without giving the game away. Jonathan didn’t even know her that well, but he could see her heart hardening into ice.

Willow, now, there was a frightening sight. The only thing Jonathan could recognize in her was the tendency to ramble. Willow dominated everything now instead of just the realm of computer knowledge. She whizzed pencils around everybody’s heads and took control of every conversation and ignored almost everyone unless it sounded like they had a problem she could fix. Jonathan thought it a touch ironic that the problems she really needed to fix were the ones she didn’t know were there.

Dawn was a troubled kid. He had heard she didn’t even really exist the way she or anyone else remembered. That had to bring trauma. In fact she’d begun stealing things. Jonathan didn’t think anyone but he had noticed and, to be honest, he wasn’t sure what to do about it. She had temper tantrums almost every day and got in Buffy’s way so constantly as to grab her older sister’s attention that she regularly almost got herself killed.

Anya was an interesting character. She consistently annoyed everyone around her in a desperate bid to fit in and be like everyone else. Her curiosity and lack of tact were a bad combination, especially around this crowd, Jonathan thought. She couldn’t seem to understand Xander’s problems and she constantly berated him or urged him to make more money, probably thinking that would make him happier.

And Tara, well, Tara was a girl who had come from a bad situation to another one. Her family had dominated and subjected her to abuse and now Willow performed the same function. Tara’s self confidence was almost as low as Jonathan’s own. Her own growth was stunted by Willow’s need for control and excellence and everyone else’s problems blinded them to the helpless rage she felt over it. Jonathan felt for her most of all. She’d told him that half the time Willow never even mentioned the meetings to her, thinking Tara wasn’t needed or that Willow didn’t want to share her or something like that.

“Are you thinking about what y-you’re getting yourself into?” came that quiet voice behind him. Jonathan jumped again, roused suddenly from his deep thoughts.

“I don’t really think this is the best place for me.” Tara’s expression showed her agreement.

“I don’t really think this is the right place for anyone. I-I’m sorry I brought you into it. But I thought you shouldn’t be alone.”

“Thanks,” he offered ruefully. “I think I’ll go home now though. I don’t really see what good I’m doing here.”

“Mind if I walk with you?” she asked shyly. “I’m not needed either.”

Jonathan hesitated for a brief second wondering if Willow would turn him into a grasshopper for intruding on her turf or something, but decided it didn’t really matter. Even eternity as a grasshopper was better than this.

“I guess,” he said. “If you want to.”

“I would,” she said. “Don’t worry about W-willow. S-she w-won’t even notice I’m gone.”

Jonathan smiled a little at Tara’s perceptiveness. He was glad someone else saw what he saw.

The bright sunshine felt good on his face. Jonathan lifted his eyes to the sky and felt relieved to be out of the oppressive atmosphere of the Scooby meeting.

“I like sunshine,” Tara reflected beside him. Jonathan heartily agreed.

“I guess sometimes people just don’t remember it’s there anymore,” he thought out loud, forgetting Tara was beside him. “They become so immersed in themselves, in their fight, they become the monster they’re trying to kill.” Tara looked at Jonathan in surprise. He smiled ruefully. “I know. Not what they told you I was like. If they even told you anything, that is. Guess even geeks get a little better over years.”

“I’m i-impressed,” she told him. “It’s hard for me because I can see it, but t-they can’t. I want to help t-them. I just don’t know how.”

“I don’t know either,” he told her, shrugging his shoulders. “I used to look up to her and her friends so much. I wanted to be Buffy. Sometimes I didn’t like her. but I always respected her. I can see she’s doing the best she can, but even the Slayer can’t hold up to this evil.”

“The k-kind that doesn’t come with fangs or slime,” Tara agreed.

“I want to show them. Make them see. But I guess like Buffy said, more spells aren’t the answer.”

“No, definitely not!” Tara agreed so emphatically that there was not even a hint of a stutter.

“But I don’t want to live here. I don’t want to be involved. I don’t want to get worse.”

“It’s not healthy here anymore,” she said sadly. “But I don’t w-want to leave t-them. It doesn’t seem right. Anyway, t-they’re my f-friends.”

“Of course,” he said. “I don’t think there’s a way that we could not be with the messed up people they are and be with the normal people they can be.”

“Maybe,” Tara answered, getting a faraway look in her eyes. Jonathan looked at her, wonderingly.

“Um, you have an idea?” he questioned.

“Maybe,” she said again, slowing her stride. They had reached Jonathan’s house. “C-can I talk to you about it l-later? Maybe there is something we can do. I just want to m-make sure it’s safe.”

“Uh, of course,” he answered. Maybe she would turn him into a toad if he said no. Jonathan was still scared of her and all witches actually. But she was kind and he felt for her, so he was willing to do whatever she asked.

“I’ll s-see you tomorrow then,” she told him. Jonathan waved goodbye and went inside his house thinking about his afternoon.


	2. Sever the Fellowship of Dust

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter's title is by George Herbert

Jonathan could hardly believe it. Tara was inside his room talking animatedly about a way for them to help the others. This had followed a bout of weeping that Jonathan still didn’t know the reason for.

Tara had showed up at his house extremely shaken. She’d obviously been crying and apologized for coming like this and said she didn’t have anywhere else to go. Jonathan had felt very awkward. But he welcomed her in and got her a glass of water. This small act seemed to trigger something and Tara had started sobbing. He’d just stared at her, wondering what on earth he was supposed to do. Eventually, she’d stopped and apologized again. He said it was nothing. But she’d still been so wound up she had started babbling about research and a plan and how it didn’t violate rules of magic or involve people’s wills or lives. It simply was showing them their true selves or what could be their true selves if they let it be so. Plus, it involved a vacation or something.

Jonathan was a little confused. He put up his hand to try and stop her. Finally she noticed his feeble waving and stopped, blushing.

“Uh, I’m just a little confused here. Maybe you could start over. Though maybe not with the crying.”

Tara sat on the bed and collected herself, speaking slowly as to make sure she was coherent and didn’t stutter.

“I was up all night r-researching. I thought I found a way. Willow came over this morning. I-I didn’t tell her about my idea, but I-I thought that maybe I could tell her how I’ve been f-feeling lately. She didn’t take it well. She-She thought that there was something wrong with me! She tried to make me drink some tea she mixed up. I-I said no and she got mad,” Tara’s eyes filled with tears again and she turned pale. “I didn’t know what else to do, so I said I was late for class and ran. I think she d-didn’t believe me. So that’s why I think we should do this now, if-if you’ll help me.”

Jonathan swallowed hard. Now Willow was going to turn him into a grasshopper. But he couldn’t say no to Tara.

“Sure. Explain that part to me, please?”

Tara’s eyes glowed.

“We’re going to go to a different dimension!”

Jonathan nearly swallowed his tongue.

“What?” he burst out. “How?”

“I’ll open a portal. But we’re going to a specific dimension. It will be safe.”

“Yeah,” he said slowly, sinking into a chair. “Safe.”

“Jonathan,” she said as she turned to him, “we need to show them how their lives could be if t-they would only change, if they would stop allowing their past to dictate their feelings. This is a dimension that will do that. It’s one where the best decisions of people and their highest characteristics are brought into the foreground of their lives. As long as we open the portal using personal artifacts of the people we want to see, we’ll achieve our purpose.”

“Why can’t they just go in and see for themselves?”

“It doesn’t work well. T-two of the same person in one dimension is not good on the paradox level.”

“Fine.” He sat back and tried to take it all in. “Then how does it help?”

“We’ll go in and then we’ll show t-them who t-they really are. Before W-willow tries to show me who s-she thinks I really am.” Tara looked scared.

“Let’s go,” Jonathan said, shocking himself with his own eagerness.

 

***

 

A couple of hours later Jonathan arrived back at his house hauling a load of things he’d managed to either steal or borrow from the rest of the Scoobies. Spike’s lighter, Buffy’s stake, Xander’s watch, Giles’ useless reading glasses, Anya’s bracelet, Dawn’s jacket and Willow’s sweater. Tara had set everything up while he’d been gone and now they could go. All he lacked was his courage.

Tara had spread a big circle of sand in his room with candles around it. All the items were placed in the circle and Jonathan and Tara stood inside it, with him holding their most important weapon for the other side.

“I implore thee, Portalkeeper,” Tara said slowly, in measured tones, “open the door so we may see the way. These items are offered.” A small burning hole lit up the air in the circle. One by one, Tara lifted each item and passed it through the hole and it landed, presumedly unharmed, wherever the other side was. When the last one passed through, she spoke again.

“Preparation is complete. Now may the way be opened and kept safe for our return.” She turned to Jonathan. “Because we didn’t put any of our own items through, we won’t be represented there. That doesn’t mean we won’t exist there, but we won’t be seeing us. We’ll just be us. But we can't interact with anyone. We just need to observe.”

Jonathan nodded. He didn’t really understand. But he thought he could do the not interacting thing.

“Just observation. I can do that,” he assured her.

“W-e still have to be careful,” she warned him. “Seeing a different way of life could change the way we see ourselves and we could be just as altered when we come back as hopefully t-they will be. I-It might be a shock.” Jonathan gulped. The burning circle grew bigger and bigger, until it nearly filled the circle.

“Hold my hand,” Tara told him. Jonathan grasped it and they stepped through into the other dimension.

 

***

The walking through fire feeling was familiar. It still wasn’t a comfortable feeling, but Jonathan handled it better the second time around. Tara looked serene and comfortable beside him, but having just spent a few weeks in her company, he could tell that she wasn’t nearly as serene as she looked. They had had a fruitful journey and he thought they had a real chance, but sometimes human error ran too deep for change. He just hoped that that wasn’t true for their friends.

“Are we back?” he asked nervously. He glanced around. It was still his bedroom, or something that looked remarkably like it.

“We’re back,” Tara announced confidently. Jonathan smiled a little. This Tara was strong. He knew the strength had been in her all along, but a few weeks in another dimension had certainly brought it out, that and the incredible concern and terror she felt for her friends.

“So what do we do now? Do we show it to them, or do I have time for some tasteful editing?” Tara let a small smile show, but she shook her head.

“It needs to be real to them. They have to taste the sincerity of themselves and realize that they made the decision and not us.”

“You’re the boss.” He shrugged his shoulders. She shook her head.

“We’re a team. And I couldn’t have done this without you.”

“Thanks,” he said shyly. He didn’t know what to say or how to act around her, but he wasn’t scared of her anymore. He’d seen her true self and knew there was nothing in her smooth steel backbone that could hurt him, but only those who threatened those she loved.

“Come on,” she said, sounding a little less confident. “We’d better let t-them know we’re back. You remember what to do in case they don’t believe us, right?”

“Count to three and disappear,” Jonathan said softly, praying it didn’t come to that.

“Let’s go,” she answered and slowly, the two friends walked toward whatever future their friends decided for them.


	3. Flying From Heavy Thoughts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter's title is by Soren Kierkegaard

Buffy sat in silence, watching herself laugh. She hadn’t laughed in six years. Or at least hadn’t laughed a laugh that wasn’t tinged in bitterness or guilt. The Buffy on the screen put on a pair of boots that were to die for, she went down the stairs, she met Spike at the bottom, she kissed him right in front of Dawn, he poked her side playfully, then Dawn hugged them both and they headed out into the night with promises to help with homework later that evening. Another Slayer was in town and helping with the patrolling. It looked almost like a family. Buffy wasn’t quite sure she even knew what that was anymore.

Giles had to be told what was happening on the screen, but it definitely showed him without a bottle in his hand. It showed him in front of a crowd of young people, most of whom were wearing tweed. He was teaching, wearing his sunglasses. Then he was answering the phone and hearing Willow’s voice. And he was explaining something and he was needed. A lovely impossibility described to him.

Xander liked the idea of him not switching jobs every month or delivering anything with lots of grease as an ingredient. He liked his two children and he liked his wife. He liked having a separate life apart from carnage and death even if he did have the others of the gang over weekly. He briefly wondered what break the other Xander had that he didn’t. Then Spike entered the screen and the Screen Xander shook his hand. It was an eye opener.

Dawn got a warm, glowy feeling as she watched Buffy spend hours helping her, as Spike teased her and acted over protective, as Willow showed up to take her shopping. There was less of that feeling as the Screen Dawn confessed to Anya and worked in the shop to pay off her debts, but it was still more satisfying than taking the jewelery in the first place.

Anya saw herself as a respected businesswoman of the town, seen as a human, seen not just as Xander’s wife and tolerated as such, but someone who had their own merit. She didn’t feel the need to try and convince people to do things or to shock them into noticing her. She saw her husband treat her as if she were the most important thing in her life. She saw the satisfaction of raising children and teaching them about financial responsibility. She saw herself accepting old age and inevitable mortality.

Spike was shocked to see himself welcomed into the Scoobies, amazed to see Buffy look at him without a hint of revulsion and kiss him without hurrying away or looked ashamed of herself. He was not a dirty secret, but a contributing member. He wasn’t chipped, but he was helping and he discovered he liked it more than killing. Killing wasn’t necessary, even if it was fun.

Willow almost wept to see herself limiting her control of magic, spending hours by herself and liking it. Being happy for her friends even when she was alone. She didn’t cry over her mistakes and she didn’t need to hide behind her magic to feel powerful or worthwhile. She didn’t need to control her friends to feel like they were her friends. It was the most terrifying thing she’d ever seen, but she had a feeling it would be the most freeing.

“Where did you say you got this again?” Buffy asked slowly.

Tara took a deep breath and explained the whole story, more thoroughly this time. Jonathan added whatever he thought was necessary, but Tara did the bulk of the talking and he was proud to notice that she stuttered very rarely though a half an hour of speech.

“S-so, Jonathan and I wanted you to know how we see you. How we think you could be. Your potential. We want you to talk about i-it. Let us know what you think.”

She squared her shoulders and took Jonathan’s hand as they walked out the door. The Scoobies stared after them with their mouths open.

***

Tara felt extremely nervous walking back into the Magic Box. It wasn’t as if she hadn’t been nervous the first time. But now she would hear things that would decide what she did with her future. If the Scoobies decided to reject what she and Jonathan had discovered it would mean Tara would have to leave another family.

But she wouldn’t be going alone. She smiled at Jonathan and together, they faced their friends.

Awkward hellos were said all around as they took their seats.

“So, uh…” Buffy started. “We talked and thought on our own and talked again, and...I’m really bad at this. Giles?”

“Oh, well, Tara and Jonathan, we, we appreciate what the two of you did and we would like to thank you and say that…that-“

“Get to the bloody point,” Spike interrupted. “Even I’m likely to die of old age by the time you spit it out.”

Giles glared in the direction of Spike’s voice.

“We’ve come to the conclusion that we all have things we can work on.”

“Things will start to change around here,” Buffy said. “Little things at first.” She swallowed hard and grabbed Spike’s hand while putting her other arm around Dawn’s shoulder. “I’m going to ask for help.”

“I’ve confessed,” Dawn said.

“I’m going to find a real job,” Xander said and grabbed Anya’s hands, looking her in the eyes. “And be better at the one that I already have.”

Anya beamed.

“I will be more human!” she announced. Spike chuckled.

“I might try to hold my tongue,” he said, “but I definitely promise not to be evil. Do I have to?” He sighed and turned to Buffy. She playfully swatted his shoulder.

“I’ll be moving back to England,” Giles said. “I’ve got some things to straighten out.”

“And I-I’m going with him,” Willow said, moving to stand in front of Tara. “I’m going to study magic at the coven. Learn something new. And I’m sorry, so sorry.”

Tara lifted Willow’s chin with her hand.

“I’m happy for you,” she said firmly. “And I forgive you.”

Willow smiled shakily.

“I’m just hoping there’ll be lots of homework.”

“Let’s hope so,” Tara agreed, smiling.

Jonathan leaned against the wall and smiled. The atmosphere in the shop felt ten times better. It wasn’t like he saw roses and moonbeams on the horizon. Unless they were involved in some sort of Hellmouth-y way. But he could see hope. Hope shone in the air and flowed all around him, infusing him with its euphoria. He grinned at Tara when she looked at him. He’d found more than hope. He’d found a friend. And this one he hadn’t needed to go to an alongside world to find.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Initiation Sigh](https://archiveofourown.org/works/260153) by [jesterlady](https://archiveofourown.org/users/jesterlady/pseuds/jesterlady)




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